By Allen White
“But what do you
think about this? A man with two sons told the older boy, ‘Son, go out and work
in the vineyard today.’ The son answered, ‘No, I won’t go,’ but later he
changed his mind and went anyway. Then
the father told the other son, ‘You go,’ and he said, ‘Yes, sir, I will.’ But
he didn’t go.
“Which of the two
obeyed his father?”
They replied, “The first. Matthew 21:28-31
I used to be an usher at Saddleback Church. The challenge
with bringing a family to church and serving as an usher was that you could
only check the kids in 15 minutes before the service started. More often than
not, I couldn’t get to the auditorium until immediately before or sometimes
after the service started. I let my usher captain know up front that I would
help, but I didn’t know how much help I could be.
My usher captain, Paul, was the primo, got-it-under-control
guy. He was an engineer with Fluor in Irvine. I seriously had my doubts about
how well my participation would work.
Every week when I found Paul to see if I was needed,
regardless of whether I was slightly early or slightly late, he always gave me
the same response – He would smile at me and say “I’m so glad you’re here.” I
was frazzled. Paul was friendly. I was frustrated with myself, but why wasn’t
he frustrated with me?
In my heart, I wanted to commit to be the most dedicated
usher in the history of Saddleback Church or any church for that matter.
Reality was that even arriving 30 minutes early to park, then “divide and
conquer” by my wife and I each taking a boy to his preschool class, I still
couldn’t get to my ushering assignment on-time. It’s a big campus. I wanted to
be that uber-committed volunteer, but I just couldn’t.
Paul didn’t mind. He was always glad that I was there.
What feels better – when someone commits and doesn’t show or
if someone doesn’t commit and shows? Most of us would agree it’s the second
one. How does that apply to us?
First, we have to avoid making grandiose claims. What is it
that calls us to want to be bigger than who we really are? If you asked your
friends how reliable they think you are, what would they say?
Secondly, performance beats promises every time. Rather than
telling my kids the night before that we’re going to get up early and go
downtown to the Touch A Truck, I keep it under wraps. I don’t want them to get
their hopes up, then someone gets sick or something wrecks it. Instead, I’ve
learned to announce to them at 7 am that we’re leaving in one hour to go.
There’s great excitement. What a surprise! Then, we actually go – no
disappointment. I never want to starve my kids on empty promises.
Does this mean that we should never commit to anything? Not
necessarily. But, if you are prone to over-promising and under-delivering, you
should stop committing for a while. Chances are you just want someone else to
think well of you for having made a big commitment. The truth is that they will
think far worse of you when you don’t follow through.
Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No” be no. Don’t even let
your “No” be “Bless your heart.”
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