By Allen White
On Tuesday, November 20, 2001, my wife
awoke in her hospital bed with this verse in the form of a song by Sixpence
None the Richer in her head. She had been on bed rest in the hospital for 17
days. I was on “cot rest” next to her bed during those days.
This song was actually sung at our
wedding just 18 months before. Standing at the altar, we had no idea how these
words to trust God would show up throughout our married life in such dramatic
ways.
At four minutes after midnight on
November 21, our son Samuel was born. His birth defect was confirmed, and our
trust in God took us to a much different place.
There was much I didn’t understand.
Since I devoted my whole life to God, why did He give us a child with a birth
defect? I was taught if I obeyed God, I would be blessed, and if I disobeyed, I
would be cursed. I had done my best to obey God, but was feeling cursed as days
turned to weeks then months with our newborn in intensive care.
Even going home didn’t change this
course. The baby wasn’t completely “fixed.” In fact, over the years, the issues
have been like peeling layers of an onion. Each new issue came with a whole new
specialist. Each new year has challenged us to trust God in yet another way.
The path hasn’t seemed straight or
easy. Anyone who ever expressed the idea that the Christian life was somehow easier
needs to apologize for those words. Just a Christian way of life doesn’t bring
ease, but our relationship with God makes what seems impossible possible.
Our understanding demands a lot of
answers, but answers don’t really make you feel better, do they? In so many
ways, life just doesn’t make sense. But, the insecurities we face force us to
trust God. Insecurity with a deepening trust in God is far better than security
with trust in our own understanding.
What doesn’t make sense in your life?
When do you want to shake your first at the sky and demand an answer? When do
you want to collapse to your knees and pour out your broken heart?
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