By Allen White
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in
order to bring praise to God. Romans 15:7
A while back my folks were in town, so we decided to go out
for lunch. Someone had told use that kids could eat for 99 cents at the S&S
Cafeteria on North Pleasantburg, so we decided to give it a try. I don’t know
if you’ve ever been there. A realtor would say that it has “historic charm”
(read: old). Guy Fieri might feature it on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives or not.
When we walked into the building, we didn’t see a dining
room. There was just a long hallway. We walked down the hallway, turned the
corner, then walked down another hallway. This was the line. We finally reached
the trays. Then, seven of us tried to figure out what to eat. I chose what I
wanted to eat, but then was told that it would be extra and it wasn’t part of
the deal. Apparently, some items were the “loss leader” and others were the
“premium” items (using the broadest sense of the word).
After much conversation, we were met by the angry stares of
the regular patrons, who probably hoped that we were at McDonalds rather than
blocking their path. They were on the inside track of this place. We were
outsiders, and it was obvious.
The experience was awkward. It was frustrating. It was a
little intimidating (and I don’t get intimidated by much). And, we’ve never
been back. After all, there are easier places to order fried chicken, and the
kids eat free.
Walking out of that restaurant, I wondered if this is how
people feel the first time they go to church. They don’t know the system. They
feel like they have to figure it out on their own. And, they are met with the
angry stares of the regular patrons. Will they come back?
Acceptance is a basic human need. Often we relegate the need
for acceptance to the awkward junior higher trying to fit in with their peers.
We give them lectures on biblical self-esteem and finding their identity in
Christ. That’s all great, but how does that help with the bullies on the school
bus?
Acceptance is everyone’s need. It’s not like we decided in
our teen years to identify with the jocks, the nerds, the debs, the freaks, or
the geeks, and then it stuck for the rest of our lives. (The nerds, by the way,
ended up making the most money.) As soon as we figure out where we belong in
junior high, there’s high school. Then, we graduate and face finding our place
in college or in the workforce, then it’s finding our place as a young adult, a
spouse, a parent, an empty nester, and then an active senior. Life is a
constant game changer.
Acceptance in and of itself is a good thing, a desired
thing. Acceptance’s partner in crime, however, is the fear of rejection. Every
person longs for community, yet the fear of rejection often overcomes the
desire to connect. We can find ourselves surrounded by people, yet feel lonely
and disconnected.
Now, before I launch into a rant on overcoming fear, because
perfect love casts it out (1 John 4:18), let’s look at the other side of the
coin. How well do you accept others? Do you connect with people who were
different than you? Do you make an effort to befriend that person in the
concourse with that deer in the headlights look on Sunday morning? Do you make
an effort to welcome the newcomer in your group or do you just hang out with
your friends?
We can be very cliquish. It’s not because we’re bad people.
It’s because we’re comfortable. Our reluctance to welcome the newcomer stems
from our fear of rejection by them.
Here’s the deal: while it’s great to have friends, the goal
of your life and mine is not to be comfortable. It’s not about me. (A famous
pastor said that). Our goal is to become like Christ, and Jesus accepted
everyone, including you and me.
Think about the last awkward social situation you faced.
When was the last time you were the new guy? How did it feel? Who helped you?
Who opened their arms to you the first time at church?
In your workplace, your neighborhood, your small group, your
sports club and your church, who is that new person that needs to be accepted?
You don’t have to make them your new best friend. But, how can you make them
feel welcome? Your effort could make the difference between life and death for
someone.
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