Why God Hates Divorce

By Allen White

It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32

The Bible tells us that “God hates divorce” (Malachi 2:16, NIV 1984). God doesn’t hate divorced people. God loves everyone. God hates divorce because God loves us. God wouldn’t wish divorce on His worst enemy.

I realize that as I’m writing this, more than a few of your lives have been touched by divorce. While divorce is a sin, it’s not the sin that keeps on sinning. You may be willing to reconcile with your spouse, but it’s not entirely up to you. You can’t change the past, and I’m not here to rub your nose in it.

Divorce is never an amiable separation of two people. There are no clean breaks. Divorce is a tearing apart of two who have become one (Matthew 19:4-6). It leaves painful, if not fatal, wounds emotionally.

In Jesus’ day, divorce had become common place even among religious people. God had allowed divorce, because of the hardness of people’s hearts (Mark 10:2-5). This stubbornness went from divorcing an adulterous spouse to divorcing a disliked spouse (Deuteronomy 24:1).

Back then there was no waiting period and no required separation period, the husband would write out the “certificate” and send his wife packing into another’s arms. Back then, women couldn’t make a living for themselves, so they had to find another husband. Jesus referred to this as a form of forced adultery. She had no other choice. The guilt was on the husband.

Every marriage faces conflict and more than its share of friction. Mary Beth Chapman refers to her 25 year marriage to Steven Curtis Chapman as a 25 year tug-a-war. Every marriage is a work in progress. It requires faithfulness, persistence and the grace of God.

Dating couples are overwhelmed by their similarities. Married couples are overwhelmed by their differences. “You say potato. I say potaato…Let’s call the whole thing off.” But, differences can become the strengths in a marriage. And, as one speaker put it, “If both of you were identical, then one of you wouldn’t be necessary.”

Marriage is hard work. It is meaningful, significant work, but it is hard. Marriage reveals things about ourselves that we would rather not admit. Gary Thomas, in his book Sacred Marriage, sees marriage as a spiritual discipline helping us become like Christ.

The church has gone to extremes on divorce. Not too many years ago divorced people were shunned or treated like second class citizens. Today, the church’s attitude is more like “well, that’s too bad that it didn’t work out.” Neither extreme is doing anyone any favors.

Lazy employees shouldn’t be surprised by a bad evaluation. Lazy parents shouldn’t be surprised by rotten kids. Lazy spouses shouldn’t be surprised by an unhealthy marriage. (That’s not to say that everyone with rotten kids or an unhealthy marriage is lazy. Kids and spouses have a choice.)

How are you investing in your marriage? Here are some great resources for you and your spouse:

Books:

Love and War by John and Stasi Eldridge

Love at Last Sight by Kerry and Chris Shook

Boundaries in Marriage by John Townsend and Henry Cloud

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Studies:

iMarriage by Andy Stanley

Classes:

Enhancing Your Marriage taught by John and Allison Gianakis

Why Do You Bug Me So Much? taught by Bill Lovett

If you are separated and feel that your marriage is failing:

Hope for the Separated: Book and Class

Yes, Your Marriage Can by Saved by Joe and Michelle Williams

If you are divorced:

Divorce Recovery: Support Group and Website

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You Might Not Be Saved If

By Allen White

Instead, you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters. Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:8-11

Jesus said that no one would “see the kingdom of God unless they are born again” (John 3:3). By implication Paul is saying that people involved in the sin listed here “will not inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:8). Does that mean that if believers sin in these ways that they might lose their salvation?

If we read this passage again, it is clear that the kingdom of God doesn’t belong to those who sin in these categories. They haven’t lost their salvation. They never had it. How do we know? This is what the Bible actually says in 1 Corinthians 6:8-11.

Now, before we go searching for loopholes and excuses, let’s assume that the Bible is true. Let’s assume that these sins have no place in the kingdom of God. Let’s assume that if these sins are sitting on the thrones of our lives, then God is not. Now what?

1.       Make sure that you are actually saved.

How do you know that you’re saved? Romans 10:8 simply states, “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” That’s pretty simple.

How do you know that it worked? The Bible says “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God” (Romans 8:14). That doesn’t mean that the Spirit causes us to live perfect lives. But, it does mean that God’s Spirit will work in you regarding sin, righteousness and judgment (John 16:7-11). How is God’s Spirit working in your life?

2.       Determine why you are drawn to these behaviors.

You don’t avoid sinful behaviors to be saved. The absence of these behaviors indicates that you are saved. But, in your brokenness you might find a part of you that is committed to God and a part that is drawn to sin. It doesn’t mean that you were born this way. It just means that you’re broken.

3.       Find help and accountability.

Once you’ve exhausted all of the over-the-counter remedies and do-it-yourself options, it’s time to seek out a professional. For some, the brokenness in their live originates from things they can’t even remember. For others, they just haven’t put two and two together.

A trusted Christian counselor can help you process what’s going on and point you to resources for on-going recovery. It’s not that you’re unwilling to forsake these sins, it’s just hard to release its grip. You are not alone.

Now, consider the seriousness of Paul’s words:

Don't you realize that this is not the way to live? Unjust people who don't care about God will not be joining in his kingdom. Those who use and abuse each other, use and abuse sex, use and abuse the earth and everything in it, don't qualify as citizens in God's kingdom. A number of you know from experience what I'm talking about, for not so long ago you were on that list. Since then, you've been cleaned up and given a fresh start by Jesus, our Master, our Messiah, and by our God present in us, the Spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (Msg).

Some of the most hopeful words in all of Scripture come from verse 11: “And that is what some of you were.” The sin that prohibits us from entering God’s Kingdom and being a part of God’s family is not so tenacious that God can’t remove it. Nothing is impossible with God.

If you are not a Christian, what is standing in the way? What are you unwilling to leave behind? Aren’t you ready to be made whole? Look at Romans 8:9 again. Ask God to forgive you and claim Jesus as your Savior. God will save you. If you asked God for salvation today, please let me know allen.white(at)brookwoodchurch.org (replace (at) with @).

If you are a believer and you struggle with a sin from this list, find help. This sin is interfering with your relationship with God. This sin is keeping you from intimacy with God. This sin is dragging you away. It’s powerful, but it’s not greater than God. If you’ve prayed and read your Bible and cried and sought forgiveness, but you can’t break it, then ask for help. That’s why it's important to stay connected with your church family.

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Is Pornography Adultery?

By Allen White

NOTE – Today’s devotional presents a disturbing image. If you are highly sensitive, you might want to pass on this one.

If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell. Matthew 5:29-30

Joe crept down the stairs into the darkness. They were waiting for him – lined up in various stages of undress. Who would he be with? The variety was like ordering from a catalog. What they promised was exciting and temporary. He knew that he would leave ashamed, but the intensity he felt in this moment erased any thought of shame.

He wasn’t limited to one. They all smiled at him. Not one of them appeared to have had a bad day or were the least bit tired. They didn’t complain about him. They were eager. Much different than the situation he faced upstairs. They were available to him. This was as convenient as picking an apple from a tree.

As midnight came and went, Joe knew he needed to get to bed. Tomorrow was a work day. With the click of a mouse, he quickly deleted his history and prayed for God to forgive him. He would never do this again, just like he had promised last night and the night before and who knows how many nights before that.

After a trip to the bathroom, Joe slid into bed next to his wife. She whispered, “Is everything okay? What time is it?”

He whispered back, “Good night.”

Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:27-28).

As Jim Smith said in yesterday’s post, Jesus wasn’t talking about noticing someone. The first look doesn’t cross the line. Jesus was referring to the second look. If the second look crosses the line into lust, then pornography plunges the looker into the deep end.

Pornography creates a sensation, an escape, and false intimacy. It’s a temporary fix that in this day and age is constantly available. It lures both men and women, young and old.

I’ve heard men complain, “But, it’s not a real person.” Real or imagined, photographed or photoshopped, sin doesn’t take place inside someone else. Sin happens inside of us. Spiritually and emotionally, it’s the same thing.

After it’s all said and done, the user is left feeling empty and ashamed. Pleas to God for forgiveness and promises to abstain might last a few days or hours, but it won’t be long until the user is right back there. No one leaves pornography by himself. No one.

In recovery, folks say, “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” Porn is the sickest of the secrets.

In today’s verse, Jesus says that the sin is serious enough that the removal of eyes and hands might be preferred to continuing to sin. Jesus didn’t mean this literally, but he is challenging all of us to remove anything that might cause us to stumble. Blindness won’t cure porn addiction. People can lust after the images already in their heads. They don’t go away. But, an internet filter can certainly keep future images away from you and your family.

Ministries like http://www.faithfuleyes.org/ offer software for filtering and accountability. The filter keeps pornographic or violent images away from both your eyes and your children’s. The accountability software sends every website you surf to an accountability partner of your choosing. This should be someone who loves you, but is not impressed with you. If you don’t have that person in your life, ask God to send you one.

So, is pornography adultery?

The dictionary defines adultery as “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.” Jesus redefined adultery to include lust. Lust is “intense sexual desire or appetite.” Jesus’ definition of adultery, then, is “intense sexual desire between a married person and someone other than his or her lawful spouse.” You’d be better off losing body parts than going down that road.

CAUTION – If you struggle with pornography, after reading today’s devotional, it will be more tempting than ever. Find an excuse to stay away from your computer tonight. Spend time with your spouse or with a friend. Don’t face this alone.

If you’re ready to get out of porn for good, Celebrate Recovery is a great resource. Brookwood Church’s CR Ministry meets on Thursday nights: brookwoodchurch.org/celebraterecovery


Related Article: 40 Positive Reasons to Avoid Pornography

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When Does a Look Cross the Line?

WRITER’S NOTE: Today, we have a guest post. I came across this teaching in a wonderful book series by James Bryan Smith. I couldn’t sum it up any better. – Allen White

By James Bryan Smith

Jesus knew how important sexuality is, how it can destroy life or enhance life. Unfortunately, it is often misunderstood, which contributes to our problem with sexuality.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28

This passage has led many to believe Jesus is saying that simply looking at a woman lustfully is the same as committing adultery. It certainly appears that way. But a closer look reveals something different.

The word that is used for lust in this passage is epithumia. This word had a very specific meaning. It does not refer to ordinary sexual attraction but to intentionally objectifying another person for one’s own gratification. When I discuss this issue with students, I describe it this way: Epithumia is not referring to the first look but to the second. The first look may be simple attraction, but the second look is leering. Lust does not value the person but mere body parts.

Epithumia goes beyond mere sexual attraction. It intentionally cultivates sexual desire for the sake of the feeling itself. It is the opposite of love. Love looks into the eyes; epithumia steals glances below them. Love values the other as a person; epithumia degrades the other. We must make a clear distinction between attraction and objectification, between feeling sexual desire and epithumia. When we fail to make the distinction, we adopt the first false narrative and think that sexual attraction is evil in itself.

One day I was walking on the beach with my brother, engaged in a deep conversation about God. A beautiful young woman in a bikini was walking in our direction, and of course we both noticed her. When she passed by we looked at each other and said, “Wow.” Now, had we sinned at that point? I don’t think so. If we had not noticed, we would not be sexual persons. The response was completely acceptable in my view. Now, had we turned and followed her, focusing our eyes on her body, dreaming of a sexual encounter with her, we would have sinned. We would have crossed over from simple sexual attraction to epithumia. But we didn’t.”

http://www.ivpress.com/cgi-ivpress/book.pl/code=3532

Taken from The Good and Beautiful Life: Putting on the Character of Christ by James Bryan Smith. Copyright(c) 2009 by James Bryan Smith. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press PO Box 1400 Downers Grove, IL 60515. www.ivpress.com.

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Are You Letting the Enemy Win?

By Allen White
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:18-21

Living at peace with everyone seems like such impossibility. If you knew what I had to deal with, you would understand how this can’t happen. Why even try?

There is a key phrase here: “as far as it depends on you.” If someone is being unreasonable, then we can still be reasonable. We can’t do anything to make an unreasonable person more reasonable, but we also don’t have to jump off of the bridge with them. Remember what our mothers used to say.

Revenge is not our job. It’s God’s job. We live in a ruthless world that likes to see people get what we think they deserve. As Norm Peterson from Cheers says, “It’s a dog eat dog world, and I’m wearing Milkbone underwear.” If we take “an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth” to its natural conclusion, we would all end up toothless and blind.

God is the only One qualified to judge. He is the only One who knows the thoughts and intentions of people’s hearts (Hebrews 4:12). We only know part of the story. God knows the whole thing.

We have a choice. We can refuse to allow the evil that has overtaken them to overtake us. Our desire for revenge is proclaiming victory for our enemies. Just like removing our shoes and getting scanned at airport security is a small victory for terrorists.

People are not our enemies. In fact, all of us have a common enemy whose only purpose is to “kill and steal and destroy” (John 10:10). Fortunately, Jesus came to give us an abundant life. But, God isn’t going to let evil run rampant forever.

One day God will judge everyone who has ever lived – the Quick and the Dead (Acts 10:42, KJV). Evil will finally be eradicated from this world. And, all of the people who possess evil will perish along with it.

What if the person who is giving you grief came to Christ? How could God change them? If the person is a believer, what freedom could they experience?

It’s easy to be Christ-like toward those who are Christ-like. But, when people act beneath who they are, sometimes we feel justified in treating them with a different standard. Our goal as Christians is not to live the Christian life well. Our goal is to allow Jesus to live His life through us. We shouldn’t try to become better Christians as much as we should try to get out of God’s way.

God calls us to love all of the people that He loves, which is actually all people. This means that He calls us to love the people who oppose us – people we regard as enemies. That is a difficult calling. But, what makes the impossible possible is that God’s callings are His enablings. He doesn’t require us to do anything that He won’t enable us to do.

What relationship seems impossible to you? Who would top your enemies’ list? How can you pray for them? How can God work in you to make you into the person that He desires for you to be in spite of them?

This is no easy task. Our efforts will quickly fall short. “Nothing is impossible with God” (Matthew 19:26). Are you ready to experience His supernatural work in your life?


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Stuck in the Muck

By Allen White

Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. 1 John 4:20-21

We can’t love God without loving who God loves. And, God loves everyone (John 3:16). Does that mean that we have to love people like Adolf Hitler or Benito Mussolini or Osama bin Laden? Actually, no, because they’re all dead.

It’s easy to love God. He is always there for us. He loved us first. God will never leave us and never forsake us. He has never offended us or sinned against us. God is easy to love.

People are a different story. They irritate and offend us. They are often moody and stubborn. And, to be honest, so are we.

No person has sinned against us to the degree that he has sinned against God. Yet, God loves the sinner. God gave His Son to save him. God’s heart toward him is always toward reconciliation. God knows everything about him, even his thoughts and heart motivations (Hebrews 4:12; Matthew 7:1-6), yet God loves that person lavishly. And, God has the same attitude toward us.

Hatred is the end result of perpetuated anger (go back two days in the devotionals this week). Hatred is a form of judgment. Hatred says that the offender deserves my wrath. God says that the offender needs forgiveness. Where God sees potential, hatred pronounces a sentence. When we hate others, we find ourselves at cross-purposes with God. That’s not a comfortable location.

But, forgiveness is not always easy. If someone steps on my foot and says, “I’m sorry.” That’s easy to forgive. It was an accident. They didn’t mean to hurt me. But, some people mean to hurt us.

When the brokenness in them interferes with the brokenness in me, we create a hateful mess. It’s hard to rise above when we find ourselves continually stuck in the muck. It requires something greater than us.

If we possess the love of God, we have the ability to forgive – anything. How? There is nothing unforgivable to God, except not seeking forgiveness (Matthew 12:31).

People can certainly test us. Some can push our buttons and manipulate us. That never feels good. But, our battle is not against other people. Our battle is spiritual (Ephesians 6:12). The enemy will do whatever he can to get us all stirred up and at odds with each other. Division and disunity are two of the devils most powerful weapons.

Now, I’m not saying that we should advocate that “the devil made me do it.” But, we can’t deny that he is the force behind evil in the world. When people are misguided, wounded, selfish, insecure or prideful, they get caught up in the devil’s schemes. We can relate. We’re people.

Jesus instructs us to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Bless the people who have wronged you. Wish them well. Don’t rehearse all of the things that they’ve done wrong. Remember the things that they do well.

Who do you feel hatred toward today? God doesn’t want you to live there. Ask God how you can forgive them and move on. God has the power you need to overcome this.


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