Galatians419: Marriage is Hard, Worthwhile Work

By Allen White

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:1-9

Among the religious people in Jesus’ day, divorce was cheap. If a man’s wife burned his toast, he could simply give her a certificate of divorce, and the marriage was over.

Jesus’ challenge to them and to us is “Don’t cry over burnt toast. Tough it out.” That may seem silly, but think about the reasons people you know have gotten divorced. Did it really have to come to that?

Jesus reminds us that marriage as God intended is a union of body, soul and spirit between a man and a woman. To separate is definitely not a clean break. It’s a jagged tear that leaves both spouses deeply wounded. Even the most seemingly amiable divorce feels like going through Hell.

Marriage takes hard work. Our spouses point out all of our flaws. They know how to push our buttons. At times they are selfish. And, at times, so are we.

Christian artist Steven Curtis Chapman described his marriage as a “30-year tug a war.” That seems like a good description.

All of us are prone to sin. Put two sinful people together for years of marriage, and you will have both mistakes and outright sinfulness. Yes, we should avoid sin – by all means. But, the reality is we all sin, pretty much every day. There is a remedy.

The Bible tells us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Colossians 4:32). Kindness, compassion and forgiveness can take us all a long way.

There are reasons for divorce. Jesus specifically named sexual immorality. Short of that, we should do our best to work out our problems and become the spouse God intends us to be.

Some days marriage may seem impossible. But, God will help us. God will not help us control our spouse, but He will help us control ourselves.

Years ago, I heard a speaker say that 70 percent of conflict in marriage is caused by the same issues over and over. If nearly three quarters of fights are caused by the same issue, then you’re probably not fighting about as much as you think.

What issues do you need to focus on in your marriage? What resentment or bitterness are nurturing toward your spouse? Forgive and don’t allow the devil to have a foothold in your marriage.

Pray for your spouse every day. Pray for God to use your marriage to grow you spiritually.

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