By
Allen White
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me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm
139:23
Everyone
of us has the same limitation. We can’t look at ourselves objectively. It’s too
personal. It’s too close.
Now,
we can spot everyone else’s strengths and weaknesses from a mile away. This is
not judging (Matthew 7:1) as much as discerning and sizing up the situation (1
Corinthians 2:15). Our role in observing others is to help and encourage them,
not to sentence them to “they’ll never change.” But, when it comes to
ourselves, it’s a lot harder to do.
Some
of us only see bad things about ourselves. We are painfully aware of our faults
or at least we continue to find ourselves in relational tension created by our
faults. We can’t explain it, but we know it’s there. But, some of us don’t see
anything wrong with ourselves.
Some
people just think that they are cut from a different cloth. Their ego provides
some sort of amnesia so they don’t even consider their effect on others. If
somebody has a problem, then it’s their problem. There’s nothing wrong with
Ego-man.
These
are the extremes. We either make ourselves out to be bigger than we are or we
see ourselves as smaller than who we are. All of us are somewhere on the
spectrum. But, how do we gain insight into who we really are?
Other
people can give us insight. Our spouse, our friends, our small group, they all
tend to see us more objectively than we ever could see ourselves. We can gain some
insights from them. When we’re down, they can lift us up. When we’re big
headed, they can pop our balloon. The problem with other people is that
everyone has an agenda.
Maybe
“agenda” is too strong. But, everyone has a greater personal interest than their
interest in us. They are more interested in themselves. “If Allen were less of
a jerk, then my life would be better.” “If my spouse was saved and went to
church, my marriage would be better.” While we should have a concern about our
spouse’s eternal destiny and even this writer’s ability to annoy, why is that a
concern to us? Do we truly want what’s best for them or what’s best for us? The
perspective of others is helpful, but it’s not unbiased. There is only one
source of unbiased opinion: God Himself.
In
this verse, the Psalmist invites God to explore him inside and out. God
understands things about us that we don’t understand about ourselves. When we
feel that no human being on the planet understands us, God understands us. And,
He loves us no matter what.
God
knows our anxious thoughts. He knows why we’re anxious. It’s usually because we
are projecting beyond what we can control. God knows everything (Job 37:16; 1
John 3:20). He knows the resolution of everything situation that we face. God
is certain of what no one else can forecast or predict.
God
knows how each of us is wired. Not only does He know what we worry about, He
also knows why we are worried. God even knows that often our worry will drive
us to Him, so He gives us something to worry about just so He can hang out with
us. (There is an easier way.)
Are
you ready for God’s examination? It’s not a test that you will fail. If you
have trusted Christ for your salvation, then you have immunity from
elimination. God’s exam is like the doctor’s office. That thing that’s eating
at you – He understands. That relationship that is rocky – He knows why. That
cycle that finds you excluded – He can help.
Pray
this verse with me today, then listen for the answer.
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